Machete
by Dante Rosario on September 15th, 2010
B movies like ‘Machete’ throw me for a loop sometimes. To be honest, it’s always hit or miss with B movies like this, because you never know going in what the overall reaction of the audience is going to be, will they applaud, or will they be left looking around the theater wondering what the hell they just paid full-price to see.
I’ve seen my share of Robert Rodriguez films, and the one thing that always stands out to me is the cast. Good or bad, Robert Rodriguez movies always seems to have casts that include some of the best, and most respected actors and actresses in Hollywood. The cast of ‘Machete’ is no different…Career bad ass, Danny Trejo, leads an ensemble of A list heavy hitters that includes: Robert De Niro, Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez, and Jeff Fahey, with appearances by Steven Segal, Don Johnson, Cheech Marin, and Hollywood’s latest in and out of rehab wild child, Lindsay Lohan.
Even with such a stacked cast, I expected unrealistic action, crappy dialogue, and bad acting, after all, ‘Machete’ is meant to be an homage to the exploitation films from the 1970’s, with a Mexican twist…but one hour and forty-five minutes went by, and I couldn’t believe Robert Rodriguez had actually taken the time to make this film.
Now for the Plot… Machete (Danny Trejo) is an ex-Federale who is betrayed by his boss, which leads to his wife being killed by a Mexican drug lord (Steven Segal). What happens next is proof that the villains in these types of stories need to adopt a new modus operandi…Kill your intended target first, and worry about the wife and kids later.
After wandering around Texas for a while, Machete is hired by a crooked businessman named Michael Booth (Jeff Fahey) to kill a Texas Senator (Robert De Niro) who is backing immigration laws that are strangely similar to the reforms enacted in Arizona recently. Of course this is all one big set up, and Machete is framed for a crime he never got to commit. This time, however, Machete turns to old friends, and a few new allies to aid him in his fight for freedom. End plot…
As much as I hate to say this, Danny Trejo isn’t convincing as a stone cold Ex-Federale, and Steven Segal is more like the ultimate cheese ball, than a ruthless Mexican drug lord. I still can’t believe De Niro actually agreed to be in this film! The Godfather clearly phoned in his performance as a senior Senator from Texas, with a nasty anti immigration platform. Trust me, this one won’t go down as one of his best performances…I guess even the great Bobby D needs to laugh at himself every now and then.
The other A list appearances in this film are one long train of terrible overacting, and lack luster character execution. Jessica Alba doesn’t sizzle as Agent Sartana, she’s just corny and annoying… surprise, surprise. Lohan’s appearance seemed cheap, and contrived for the sake of having her spout off a few lines, and appear topless…Whoops, spoiler! Jeff Fahey, Cheech Marin, and Don Johnson don’t even deserve mentioning. Michelle Rodriguez’s portrayal of Luz, a.k.a. Shé, a gun toting taco stand lady, might be the only saving grace for this film, but at times even she seemed more like a cartoon commando than a true freedom fighting revolutionary.
5/10
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